Feb 2010 ♥

Dear Colton,

It’s been awhile since mommy has taken the time to right to you, it’s been busy between all the very new and exciting things that you’re doing, and learning, the family, the visit for a month from your cousins and being off of work now so we’ve been spending all day together.  Haven’t had much time to myself, let alone time to Wright to you about your amazing progress. So I figured today is as good as any to catch up. Last time I took a minute to Wright to you was Christmas day, and now it’s in the middle of February.  You’re currently 5.5 months old, and your learning with leaps and bounds every day. Your rolling over with ease, from front to back, and to back from front, standing while supported, can push up completely with your arms, into the crawling and the “I think I can” position. It will be no time flat until your crawling around the house and I’m unable to keep up with your loads of undrainable energy. About two weeks ago you said “mama” while in the pool with your cousins and also went under water for the first time!!

Like I said, you’re a shadow of yourself from even a month ago… it makes me happy to see your growth, but at the same time I find myself being very sad to see my baby grow in front of me, knowing one day, you won’t need me as much anymore. As it is, you already would rather hold your own bottle, than me cradle you in my arms and feed you.  You are truly such an amazing little boy, full of smiles, and surprises, joy and energy, but most of all, love for everyone and thing you meet!

You are truly such a blessing to me and your grandparents, you brought happiness and balance and meaning back into our lives when we thought all was lost.

Promise me something, never grow up to fast, take your time being a child, and take your time with relationships, and school, and life. Enjoy every single second and minute of your life, soak in everything you can, learn from your mistakes and your experiences, than, let them go, don’t dwell on things that you cannot change, but change the things that you can.

I love you so much baby, you’re my whole world, and reason for existence. Make me proud in everything you do, but most of all, make yourself proud of everything you do!

Love always,

Mommy.

Mommy Presentssss!!! Night Before YOUR first christmas- ♥♥♥

The Night before Colton’s first Christmas!

'Twas the night before my first Christmas, when mommy and me
were sitting around, watching T.V
we were cuddling to a movie-moms favorite I guess. And I rolled over and looked at her, it really was the best!

Mommy was rocking me, trying to put me to sleep
and I was still busy playing with my feet
with mommy in her shirt- and me in my sac
I sat there and stared with love, with me looking up from her lap

When out in the living room, a big noise did the dogs make!
Mom yelled at them-Colton is trying to SLEEP-for GODNESS SAKE!
Away to the crib, did she lay me down
when all of a sudden I heard such a sound!

Mommy told me of a man, in a big red suit, with a big belly, and a bag full of loot
his name was Santa Clause, but I have to be good- And Ill gets LOTS of presents or at least that I should.

He is a little old man-not like grandpa, he’s QUICK-
and I knew when I heard him, it must be St.Nick.
Louder than Grandma snoring, or the dogs barking or playing games
than I heard him Trip over something and he shouted at the dogs by name!

“MOVE HONEY, MOVE GRIZZ” I must get my job done!

I’ve work to do; Its Christmas eve-there is no time for doggy fun!

I sat in my crib-quite and still  breathing short quite breaths up and until, I heard him rustle up the chimney, and all the loud noises stopped- the dogs stopped barking, and mommy got up- she went to get a glass of water-so I started screaming-it’s time for a cold one, and that’s how I’m feeling-all the excitement, I was wide awake-and all the big packages I wish I could shake-I knew it was Christmas, I knew it was him-the man in the red suit, with the jolly old grin- Mommy told him about me, and I honestly new, mommy wouldn’t lie about a man so wonderful and true!

Christmas is in our hearts- that I knew, it’s not in packages or wrappings, mommy taught me that too-

Than all of a sudden as I lay in moms lap, I heard each little hoof-each little tap, than quietly at first, than louder and louder, I heard a man exclaim “Ho HO HOO, I’ve had a LONG night-it’s time to go home, and it’s time to take a shower-so MERRY CHRISTMAS to all and to all a good night, don’t be a brat this year- and don’t you get into fights-or next year, I’m afraid I won’t be in your Christmas sights!

**There is nothing like holding your child, reading them ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas and rocking them to sleep- Your first Christmas eve is a day I know I‘ll never forget! Your a blessing Colton, I love you more than words can explain. Please NEVER forget that. Love Mommy**

December 2009 ♥

December 13, 2009

Dear Colton,

Things lately have been so hard on us both, I honestly think sometimes you’re getting sick of me- We are stuck with each other almost every hour of everyday and it’s so hard because you’ve been sick the past few days, you had strep throat.  It was so sad for me to see you so uncomfortable and in as much pain as you have been. Nothing I or anyone else could do could help you feel better.

Today was the second time since your birth that I went out with a friend, it was hard for me to adjust I guess, because I brought you with me and I thought for sure that Crystal and I would have nothing in common anymore because she did not have a child. I found it hard to find common ground with her because our lives are so very different now- But you just LOVED spending time with her, it was nice to see you smile, that’s why I kind of figured you were getting a little tired of me, because you’ve been so sick and irritable lately and as soon as you were around a new person you just lit up!! I’m not sure though, it could have been just the fresh air and the outing that made you feel better, because I know it made me feel loads better. 

I’ve been so short with you lately, and I feel so guilty because I want so badly to be the best person I can be around you.   I forgot how important going out and associating with other adults was, it’s just as important for you as it is for me.  It gave me the break from being 100% responsible for you and as soon as we got home, all I wanted to do was spend time with you.  I know that sounds a bit odd, but when you’re stuck with the same person, lifestyle, and routines every single minute of every single day, the lifestyle we live starts to get old, and drag, and well, to be honest it made me a bit depressed.  I love you SO much; I can’t even put in words how much happiness and love you make me feel every day.  I feel guilty because the last few days I have taken you, and our family, for granted because I was so overwhelmed.   I started to believe I couldn’t do it anymore; I was not cut out to be the mother you deserve. But what I realized today, as I was sitting around with Crystal and her boyfriend, realizing how much we didn’t have in common anymore, I saw that I WAS cut out to be your mother, I WAS good enough, because I simply didn’t care. I didn’t care that Crystal and I would never have the same relationship we did before your birth- I didn’t care that I only had you in my life, and no other adult to spend time with-I didn’t care because I realized that the ONLY person I cared for was you!  I want to be around you all the time, and yea, sometimes I’ll need some adult time, and need to go out and spend time with people my own age, but at the end of the night all I want to do is come home to you, see your smiling face and how much you grew in the short few hours I was gone!  You make me so happy, and even though sometimes I want to pop your little head off, you STILL make me happy, and I still love you more than I could love anything in the world.  You are the reason I was put on this earth, you are the reason I get up every day **and… multiple times a night** because I want what’s best for both of us, to be healthy and happy and together!

You teach me important lessons every day, it’s funny, because you can’t even talk yet, and you’re already teaching-  You taught me how to love something unselfishly and more than myself, you taught me how to let go, and move on. You taught me how to grow up, and learn from my past. You’ve taught me how be happy with my life, and make the best of sometimes a not so good situation.  You did all of that without even speaking ONE word to me.  You’re meant to do great things in life Colton, you will be someone who teaches people so many important things, and helps people without even trying- I can feel it in my bones that you will amount to great things.

I am so lucky to be your mother, thank you SO much for being who you are, never try to be anything other than just that.

Love always and forever,

Mommy

Nov 17th 2009 ♥

Dear Colton,

Today has been something, you haven’t been feeling well at all so you’ve been crying a lot, thank god you’re so cute, and otherwise it probably would have been unbearable. It is so hard to do it alone. Technically I’m not alone, your grandparents help me out WAY more than they probably need to, thank god we have the support and love that we do from them both! They are so good to us, I can’t express how much they both mean to me, but it hurts to watch them suffer because your father won’t support you, and I cannot support you alone. 

On a higher note, you rolled over today, for the first time, I was SO proud of you honey. I wish I had the video camera, you looked SO proud of yourself; the expression on your face was priceless. You just lit up with the most precious happiness a HUGE toothless smile and cooed the most innocent coo, as if to say I love you mommy, look at me!

You light up my life in a way that I can’t explain in words…I try, but nothing even remotely close to how much love I feel for you sounds as great as the way I feel when my heart skips a beat because you smile, or babble, or give me wet, sticky kisses.

You are truly a one of a kind kid, truly amazing, and I am blessed to have had a wonderful boy like yourself.

Thank you for making me the happiest mommy in the world,  you continue to make me strong and for that, I want you to know how much I appreciate what your life has given to me.

Love Always and forever ,

Mommy

6 weeks old ♥

Dear Colton,

This morning I could have just stopped time, you were so wonderful, we were lying in my bed, the T.V was on, and you were just staring at me, wide eyed, and giving me the most loving smiles and gazes that you have ever given me. Whispering secrets to me, and just SO quietly cooing, as if to say “mommy, I love you,”  I think you finally know who I am, and love me, as much as I love you.

It was a beautiful moment, one that I would NEVER take away, or forget.  You bring me such empowerment, and happiness. I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you.  Thank you for being such a wonderful joy in my life.

Right now you’re so content playing with your toys in the bouncer babbling quietly, and enjoying your morning.  You’re so cute when you get excited!

I love you Colton, your number one in my life, and you always will be, you’re such a good boy, and truly a blessing, in ALL of our lives.

Love always and forever

Mommy

All played out ♥

The day before you were born :)

Colton,

Today is the day before your birth- Right now I find myself to be so excited and absolutely terrified at the same time. Before long you will be old enough to understand that bringing you into this world, was the easiest and best choice I ever made, it might not have been under the best of circumstances or the right time, but your life inside of me made me strong, you make me strong, and I know you will continue to do so for the rest my life.  Your being brought home to a house that is SO full of love for you, I could not even begin to explain. Your grandma has been going crazy, spoiling you rotten already, and can’t wait to see your face, to hold you, hug you and shower you with kisses. Your grandfather has been cleaning and organizing the house just in time for your VERY LATE arrival and I have been trying to relax and enjoy my final days of carrying you in my belly.  

I’ve been thinking about how your life affects our future together as a family, I’m scared that I might not always do right by you; I might not always be able to get you everything you could ever want, or need. I’m scared your father won’t always be around to show you the love you deserve. I’m scared your grandmother, my mommy, won’t be around long enough to help me raise you into the man I want you to be.  But it’s funny, because I know as long as we have each other we will be fine, because I will always try my hardest to make your life wonderful, and you’ll always be around to give me the strength to do so.

I’m so excited to meet you Colton; I wish I could put in words how powerful of an influence your life force has already giving me, thank you.

Love always and forever,

Mommy.

You know your a MOM when:

You know you’re a mom when:
1.)    Your at the doctors office, see a sectary, awaiting patients, a nurse, and your doctor, before you realize your shirt is on inside out and no one bothered to tell you.
2.)    Spit up is the newest thing in hair gel.
3.)    Your new coach purse stinks of used baby diapers, because there was no trash can near the last time you changed a poopy diaper.
4.)    A bill collector calls and you say “I’m sorry, there is a poopy diaper in the next room screaming its face off, and oatmeal and eggs walking around on four feet, spreading it across my house” and hang up on them, with out a second thought.
5.)    You step in something slimy and gross, and continue on your way to the laundry room to change loads, because you know, “a little baby spit up never hurt anyone”
6.)    You go out to the bar with friends, and think your looking mighty fine because everyone and there uncle is checking you out, only to hear once you get into the girls room “there is something on your ass” upon closer inspection, you realize you have a jiz colored spot of baby sit-up, and maybe traces of breakfast on the butt of your jeans, and you don’t care.
7.)    You can change a diaper, make a bottle, burp the baby, and safely tuck them back into bed, with out waking up.
8.)    When your baby farts, all you can say is “awwee”
9.)    Your speaking to a very hot guy in the check outs of walmart, and all of a sudden your baby turns beat red and is making grunting noises, only to be followed by a god awful stink, and wonder why he turned red and replies with “yeah, sooo, ummm, I got to go”
10.)You can ALWAYS find a spare diaper and toys in your purse, but rarely can find a tampon, lip stick tube, or a cell phone in your purse.
11.) You can’t walk into walmart or any store for that matter with out coming out with SOMETHING for baby, and in the process forgetting the ONE item you originally went to the store for.
12.) Before baby, at the end of the night, cuddling, a drink, and sex sounded WONDERFUL as a closer for your long day.
13.) Sex? what’s sex?!
14.) Going 3 days with out a shower is normality in your life.
15.) Getting a hot shower, alone, with out a baby on the floor next to or in the tub with you, is like going to the spa for the day, truly orgasmic.
16.) The new “sexy” is your period panties, jogging pants, and oversized T-shirt, you know deep down inside your husband is lying, but you don’t care.
17.) When your child’s father comes home and says “I’m tired, I worked all day, you don’t know what its like” you want to feed him Clorox, and broken glass for dinner
18.) Loosing baby weight becomes your New Years resolution for the next 5 New Years.
19.)You realize you parents weren’t superman, and neither are you.
20.) you get JUST as excited for Santa to come, maybe MORE excited than your child does.
21.) The CD visor in your car is no longer full of avenge sevenfold, or Green Day, its full of kidspop, Mickey Mouse club, and baby Balouga, and what’s worse, you sing those songs to yourself on a regular basis, because “its stuck in my head, I swear!”
22.) You truly believe nap time was invented by the Gods.
23.) You get jealous when you were playing with a kick ass baby toy, and your child wants it now, and you JUST had it figured out.
24.) Dressing up was something you once did, you kind of remember what it was like, but its just a distant memory now, kind of hazy, almost like a dream.
25.)You used to find it unnerving to see a mother breast feed in public, now you think it’s the most beautiful thing you could ever witness.
26.) speaking of boobies, the boobs you once loved, the perky, amazing, full of life, always popping out to say hello perfectly formed  “fun bags” you once loved, now face your feet, never listen to you, are always out of control. There hardly “fun bags” more like sagging paper weights, mainly used for feedings, and occasionally leverage for something you want from hubby dearest.
27.)Your child has something on there hands, and you wonder to yourself is it poop, or mud? With out thinking you lick it, and realize its just mud.
28.) that super annoying hand lick your ma’ used to do to fix your hair or wipe your face is something you now do with out thinking, or concern.
29.) You realized you were wrong, you did turn out like your mother, JUST like your mother, and you thank god you did too, because you know your now baby, soon to be teenager won’t get away with SHIT, and you couldn’t be more thrilled!
30.) When a minivan is a kick ass ride!
31.) When you hear yourself say “OMG!!!! THE WIGGLES ARE IN TOWN!!!!”
32.)When you can carry 6 bags of groceries, a diaper bag, your purse, a baby, his bottle, and answer a call while unlocking your door, your not just a mother, but the SHIT as well!
33.) When getting your house cleaned, the laundry done, dinner made, and the baby is alive and clean and fed, you feel like you accomplished the impossible.
34.) When you can eat your dinner with one hand and not only cradle, but bottle or breastfeed at the SAME TIME.
35.) When things you used to find “totally awesome” are now offensive or appalling.
36.)When you leave your baby for the first time, and you call the sitter two minutes after backing out of the driveway to make sure the baby is ok, than continue to do so every 10 minutes after that. After supper you skip the desert and movie, drive as fast as light home, hold your baby crying and whimpering to yourself saying “I’ll never leave you again” and at the time, truly mean it!
37.) You look for the coolest most fashionable diaper bag in the land, because a month after having your baby, you realize your day of designer bags is over.
38.) A diet coke and a cigarette no longer consists of a “meal”
39.) Your baby gets his blood taken, or a shot, and it hurts you to the point that not only is your baby crying his poor little head off, but you’re crying your head off too.

40.) When your at a business meeting and your cellphone starts ringing "were the Imagnation movers" and your like lost in song before you realize everyone is watching you bust a move infront of the office manager.
41.)You managed to get a babysitter so you could go to a doctors apointment and when your half way there you realize you've been not only LISTENING to, but SINGING along to "Pajanimals" and was having a blast doing so.
42.)If you go into the WIC office after having baby and all of a sudden its like the Clorox commerical, and you see nothing but neon green bug things and children in slow motion shoving that little toy hammer in there mouth that another kid just wiped there nose with and want to grab the mother next to you by the coller, wild eyed, and scream "OMG DID U SEE THAT"
43.)When you trade your fancy morning coffee and nice dinners for Mcdonalds and KFC.
44.)  When you've removed your kid away from the potty a million times today and finally you see your kid dip his cookie in the bowl and take a bite a second two late to grab it, you shrug your shoulders and think "meh, he has put worse things in his mouth"  and walk away shaking your head.
45.) "mom, can we go to chucky cheese? "OMG, HECK YES WE CAN GO TO CHUCKY CHEESE" walking away dancing in excitement singing to yourself "its the place to be a kid"
46.) when you can rewrite your LOs favorite lulaby to a poop song- tomake your kid go on the big boy potty...Whats that stink, can you smell it, its your butt, stinky stinky butt, I wonder whats inside your butt, that makes it stink? stink-a-stink-a lot, maybe its a garbage man, emptying all his garbage cans, in your butt and in your gutt, stink it up, yuck, yuck, yuck, stink, stunk, stinking though the night! whats that stink, can you smell it? its your butt, stinky, stinky butt, I wonder whats inside your butt, that makes it stink, stink-a-stink-a lot, maybe its a pop tart making ur butt fart,  in ur  butt and in ur gutt, stink it up, yuck, yuck, yuck, stink. stunk. stinkkinn thouughh theeee niiiiighhhhhhttt!
47.)Your child convinces ur there is a potty monster too-
48.)when you walk past a mirror, and out of the corner of your eye you see a blood shot, frazzled, man, and freak out because there in an intruder in your house. upon closer inspection you realize its your reflection, and think..."omg, do I really look like that" shake your hair, and walk away.
49.) your watching "dangerious women" and think" oh, no...I've thought of doing that one time or another."
50.) your husband comes home horny, your tired, and have NO INTREST in doing anything he has running though his mind, but decide its easier to get it done, than try to make excuses. He starts going at you, and in your head your thinking "poor guy, I wonder if he knows he missed and is humping the cat?
51) if your friend, that has no children is giving you pareting advice and you temporarly zone out imagining yourself shoving a pacifier in her mouth looking at her angerly and saying "I hope when you have a kid you have a friend just like you, one without kids, that thinks she knows "EVERYTHING".   Than reality hits you and you reply with "ohh yeah, good point" instead of what your really thinking.
52.) your so tired that you sit on the couch waching your child pull the spices out of the cabnit, and just shake your head and sigh.
53.) when your sitting on the potty singing to yourself  "look mom, I'm a big kid now"
54.) when you find yourself DVRing Hanna montaina because you just gotta know what the world thinks of big secret coming out.
55.) When you see an infomercial for P.J pants that look jeans and your looking for the phone ferantically, just hearing it ring brings excitement that you haven't felt since your new baby took his first steps-  the opperator picks up the phone.. "OMG, I need to make an order...yes, yes..Ohh size? hmm, medium...wait...maybe large...Ok, Visa, 5565*5546*5545*7777, 12-09-13...YES, over night!  Hang up- and call your best friend and say "OMG, GUESS WHAT THEY HAVE NOW"
56.)

 when all these things on this list are completely normal, you understand it, and still after all the ups and downs, being a mother is HANDS DOWN, the best job in the world.